You know your life has taken a sad turn when you’re turning to prison inmates for sex as opposed to the 1,000,000,000+ free birds walking around. It’s the same with teacher student sex scandals — these women are in their early 30’s but choose to bone kids younger than 17. And hey, I’m all for being a cougar and bangin’ Mark the pool boy when no one else is around, but Mark is both 23 and not incarcerated in a Florida prison. Mark may not have a whole lot going for him career-wise, but at least he’s legal and wasn’t popped for hooking outside of Tampa.
That’s just me though. Not everyone has such rigorous standards like I do, i.e. he’s got a pulse and can at least afford a trip to the drive-thru at Popeye’s. Ericka Koger, a now-former corrections officer at the Central Florida Reception Center Prison in Orlando, could learn a thing or two on how I choose men, as Ericka recently made headlines for engaging in “intimate relations with an inmate while also helping him smuggle contraband inside the prison.”
Translation: Ericka just don’t love herself.
Second translation: Ericka got caught fucking an inmate…allegedly.
According to Daily Mail, police received a tip about a supposed romantic fling occurring between Ericka and an unnamed inmate back in March. After an investigation was conducted, authorities learned from inmates that Ericka had been trying to raise money from prisoners by smuggling contraband in order to pay the legal fees for the man she’d become romantically interested in. And because no one involved in this story is particularly bright, Ericka chose the name “Wilma Flinstone” to hide money in her bank account. As in, Ericka thought to herself “Now THAT’S a name that won’t raise any suspicion!!” and then wrote herself a check from Wilma Flinstone for $350. When police zeroed in on that transaction on her bank statement because god forbid anyone use their goddamn brain when committing a crime, they found that the address and phone number associated with Ms. Wilma Flinstone was the same address and number as the prison.
Hopeless romantic? Maybe. Criminal mastermind? Not even close.
And just for the sake of throwing one final nail into her coffin, authorities even found a cell phone inside the prison that had texted Ericka’s personal number “at least” 180 times, along with photos of her posing with inmates.
And what a photo that is!
It’s stories like these that make me wonder if I’m smart enough that I could get away with petty crime — followed quickly by a resounding “Yes, but then again I’m not stupid nor desperate enough for sex that I’d fuck a random inmate for attention, so really why would I ever be in this situation in the first place?”
After being arrested on Tuesday, Ericka now faces a variety of charges, included but not limited to obstructing justice, public servant obstruction delay felony, unlawful use of a two-way communication device and perjury. She posted bond shortly after her arrest.
Have you ever been so desperate for love, affection and sex that you’d bang a prison inmate? Let us know why not and how you’re better than Ericka in the comments!