Black Friday has become a beloved American tradition, right up at the top of the list underneath mass shootings and prescription drug abuse – and yet news reporter Joshua Short, all hyped up for his first Black Friday broadcast, was not having it:
Short starts off by saying “Let’s look behind me, you’ll see the long lines of people out here at 5:45 or so…” which quickly devolves into an apology for the lackluster crowd that the mall hasn’t even been able to draw. “I got up at three o’clock excited to do my first ever Black Friday and ain’t nobody here. I am LITERALLY upset right now” he continues, apparently saddened at the realization that none of this:
…is taking place.
Granted, I understand that giant mobs of people punching each other over a television that was marked down from $2,000 to $1,999 makes for great ratings, but come on – why go out for Black Friday when you can just order everything online? Gone are the days of “accidentally” elbowing kids in the face to get the last Princess Unicorn doll on the shelf; now we get to lay back on our asses and browse Amazon in our underwear while eating potato chips and wiping off crumbs and grease on the side of the recliner.
Luckily for Joshua, at the end of his broadcast he finally figures out that going back home is a better option over reporting on Black Friday — way to catch up to the rest of the country.